Welcome to the Video 2 of my free 8-day Video Series in the lead up to the launch of my new eCourse – The Inner Critic to Inner Coach Online Training. Every day for the next 7 days I’ll be talking about an area of significance to your life, and how negative self-talk either causes or perpetuates that problem. And then, importantly, a quick-and-dirty instant solution that you can use right away to make a difference to yourself. In this case, one that allows more courage in your decision making.
Okay – confession time! I lead you here under false pretences. Sorry! You see, there is no such thing as a ‘right’ decision. There’s no-one in the sky with a clipboard, marking every one of your decisions off with a tick or a cross.
There is just decision making and then feedback: the natural consequences of that particular decision. These consequences are either desirable, or useful to your life, or, undesirable and not so useful to you. And of course, some decisions have no real notable or immediate consequence to you (e.g. whether I wear my grey tights or my black tights).
**NB: I’m not talking about extremes where people make decisions to intentionally physically harm another human being. I’ll leave that kind of analysis up to the right experts, which is definitely not me.**
I’m talking about the average person on the street, you and me. What can happen is that we become DISABLED in our decision making because we believe there’s a ‘right’ and a ‘wrong’. And it’s this belief that feeds the Inner Critic’s endless tape of self-doubt, and keeps it going around and around like a hamster in a wheel. I know that if you’re reading and watching this, I don’t need to describe self-doubt to you – you know it all too well.
The reason that self-doubting exists in our brains is because we are so afraid of getting our decisions ‘wrong’. Even when it comes down to those small and often inconsequential decisions like what to eat for lunch! Why?
- because somehow we won’t be OK in the world. We’ll be rejected, criticised, no longer belong
- because we may no longer be physically safe (our inbuilt survival system kicking in)
- because what we’re REALLY afraid of is the judgement and criticism and disapproval we will turn inward on OURSELVES
- because turning on ourselves like that feels BAD. And we are afraid of these feelings.
The ONLY solution then, is to learn to HAVE YOUR OWN BACK and support yourself 100% – no matter what.
That’s it. No more, no less.
If you can find some way to say to yourself in any given moment – it could go this way or that way, and, you know what, I’ll ultimately be OK. I can learn from this. This will cultivate more courage, and perhaps – dare I say it – more risk taking, getting out of comfort zone, and growth (even if you start with what to have for lunch.)
Any questions – just ask! I’d genuinely love to hear from you.
Until tomorrow where we look at Creating More Happiness (not depression).
Charlotte x