Let’s talk about who you are, like really, in your core.
Might seem like a simple answer, I am a mother; a father; a friend; a partner; a teacher; a lawyer; a coach etc.etc. And yes, you are all of those things and probably a lot more too.
What else though? What’s underneath all of this, at the very core of you? When you strip back all the labels and social expectations and the roles, who is the you that’s really there?
And why does that matter?
Your beliefs about yourself feed into this sense of your core identity – who you REALLY are – and dictate your behaviours, emotions, how wide or narrow your window of tolerance is. Basically what you feel able to do and not do on any given day, which dictates how you grow (or not) and evolve through your life.
As an example, If I believe at my core that I’m not a very resilient person because I’ve never been in the past, then when adversity comes my way, I “know” I won’t cope, and so I don’t… I lose sleep and have a meltdown, and then this confirms my own belief that I’m not very resilient. So the next time something comes up, I expect the same to happen again, and so it does, that then confirms my belief and so on and so on…
If I believe I’m a hard mother, then…..
If I believe I’m under qualified for my job, then….
If I believe I’ve never been good at XYZ, then…
It just goes on and on and on…It’s a vicious and downward cycle.
What we really want, then, is a few virtuous upward spirals!
Personally for me, my core identity around motherhood has been an interesting development. I’ve not hidden the fact that it was not an easy transition. I can’t detail in a blogpost exactly how much focus and work I’ve put into this over the last 9 years, needless to say it’s the most important thing for me and I’ve been prepared to really develop my identity as a mum. It’s been the difference between enjoying it, embracing it, and hating it! I can’t think of a more worthwhile piece of self-development!
When we are really in touch and in tune with our core-identity, who we TRULY are, and it’s positive, useful and conscious, here’s what’s possible:
- Know yourself well, your own values and able to live them (in tune with your life)
- Make decisions easily based on above
- Like, love and approve of yourself
- Healthy self care behaviours and boundaries – putting SELF in the equation
- Better sleep and energy
- Healthy striving and goal setting (rather than proving self; perfectionism; burnout)
- The courage to be yourself and to say no!
- The courage to get out of your comfort zone and stretch your tolerance window and therefore your core identity
- Allow yourself to experience pleasant emotions
- Less f*cks given
- Spiritual identity solid
It’s NOT EASY to change your core beliefs develop a useful and functional core-identity. It takes focus and work, and a lot of healing and practice. And, you can make a start on the journey at least!
What if you could change ONE aspect of who you believe yourself to be? Which area would you choose? What could happen next?
In the Use Your Body To Solve A Problem Workshop, we begin to touch into the body-brains and not just the head-brain, including the GUT – enteric – brain. Did you know that one of the competencies of your gut-brain is core-identity and mobilsation (taking action)? When you’re too disconnected from this part of you, this stays STUCK, and being stuck is not a good feeling for us humans.
Want to go deeper? Fill out an application for therapeutic life coaching here.