I put a post up on Instagram last Friday, asking: are you in charge of your time, or are your demands in charge of you?
I promised to post a blog the following Monday with solutions. I believed I had found some!
I couldn’t actually write the blog from an authentic place because the solutions I thought I had weren’t working. I was still at the mercy of many demands, and not making the time and space for the important things. I had the experience over the weekend like a blocked pipe suddenly becoming unblocked: a bit of a crash and burn. There were too many plates spinning, too many commitments, too much striving all at once, and not as much self-care as I actually need (which is actually quite a lot, although I try and pretend I can do with less.)
I was on the very edge of burn-out, because I hadn’t protected my time and energy properly. This can happen to someone like me, with all my skills, and it can happen to any of us as we get swept up in a demanding and noisy world.
I’m recovering and have peeled RIGHT BACK on the commitments and deadlines and pressures. I’ve cleared my diary of most of these, and am focused on being in a really good state for my clients on my 1:1 days and a couple of networking commitments I already had with some old and new colleagues, which is basically more like socialising than anything. I’ve said no to lots of Christmas parties and gatherings. I’m putting exercise and rest at the TOP of my priorities. I feel back in the driver’s seat and feeling deliberate. Here is my Christmas present for you, my top tips for avoiding end-of-year burnout and actually ending your 2024 with some balance and energy!
How to recognise the beginning of burnout:
Impatience and a short fuse – road rage and a desire to get to places quickly!
A constant pull to keep checking your phone – seeking “answers” from there somehow
A tightening in your solar-plexus or tummy
Little things – requests or things going “wrong” feel like big things
Sacrificing self-care or exercise for a need to “get things done” – I don’t need that yoga class, if I didn’t go I’d get an extra 90 minutes to “get things done”
Your to-do list is constantly on your mind… even when you’re trying to unplug or relax
Your multi-tasking – switching between things rather than staying singularly focused on something to completion
Your phone is beeping all day and you keep responding to stuff that’s just coming in: reactive rather than proactive – no boundaries around phone use!
You’re relying on alcohol to relax you
Obvious difficulties with relaxation and sleep
Snappy and irritable with people (partner, family usually)
Every time you think of all the things you “need to do” you feel nothing but overwhelm! Which stops you from actually doing them
Solutions you can put in place right now:
Look at all your commitments and check: what is absolutely essential? What is not essential this year? See how much you can get rid of in your diary. You might be surprised at how many non-essentials there actually are
If you catch yourself thinking – I’ll cancel that walk, yoga class, friend catch up to “get more done” then stop that, and go and do your self-care. Energy in, before energy out, a simple and effective equation.
Start to timeblock if you can: schedule time in your calendar for SPECIFIC things; CEO time, meeting time, admin time. Do your best to protect that time for what it is. Include scheduling downtime, time to do WHATEVER YOU FEEL LIKE IN THE MOMENT- whether it’s a Netflix binge or a HIIT class, do what feels right and feel no guilt. I recommend at least twice a week to have this choosy-downtime
Stop being a slave to your phone. Honestly. What’s the time of day when you can put your phone away, or even turn it off? For me, it’s off every evening so I can spend time with my husband. I put it down when doing focussed work, it helps to turn it off if I can.
In terms of creating some BOUNDARIES. Most people (not all, but a lot) need to be about 80% better at boundaries, and about 80% of us find this very hard to do. Whether it’s in regards to self-care, sleep, eating and drinking, not spending time or energy on particular people, here’s my advice: decide what you want a boundary around – break that down to the absolute micro level, the lowest denominator that you believe you can actually STICK to, and make that your absolute NON-NEGOTIABLE boundary. The key is choosing the right level of micro-boundary that is going to be straightforward enough to stick to, and protecting it with your life. This is called your non-negotiable. For example:
for me, if I don’t eat low-carb, I put on weight. I have a few kilos to lose, but this time of year is actually not the best time to be calorie-deficiting. So, my one non-negotiable is, no matter what I eat and drink, it has to be low-carb. I’m not restricting or counting calories, but I’m not eating anything above 5g carbs per serve (approx). This makes me feel great because I won’t put on any weight, and gives me a sense of control in a tricky time of year. I won’t be entering January feeling bloated and gross and like I need to go on a diet.
time to deep dive into long-term projects. I keep struggling to find and keep it, and I keep scheduling it and cancelling it, scheduling and cancelling it in a loop! As I am trying to timeblock my week better, so I’ve got time available for the many different things I do, so my lowest and non-negotiable denominator is Friday mornings. I can find other time usually too, and when I can I will, but for now, I can stick to that, so I’m doing that. At least it means it’s not neglected and things are still getting worked on!
These suggestions are great in and of themselves, and, the hidden greatness is this: making and keeping an agreement with yourself. When we feel like we’ve let ourselves down, it’s an opening for all kinds of entanglements we get into with ourselves, beat ups and so on. So, let’s decide on our micro-boundaries to stick to, get some time back, and enjoy the self-esteem that comes from sticking to an agreement you’ve made with yourself.
Merry Christmas and happy new year to you – let’s end with energy, and start with purpose!
Charlotte.