Nevermind the Ghost of Christmas Past, what about the Burn-out of Christmas future? And what can we aim for instead?
I’ve not been shy in sharing that the end of the year, before Christmas and New Year period, is not my favourite time. Usually I’d be gearing up to drink my G&Ts in my camping chair around about now, going away early before term end, avoiding all of the pressures and obligations. It’s the way we like to do things: spend heaps of time outside with the kids and live very minimally for two weeks or so.
This year it’s our turn to host the family for Christmas and my little one is in a dance performance, so, we’re staying home until January. I’m looking forward to having a Christmas at home after two years of being away. The kids loved putting up the tree and decorating the house, and we’re having so much fun with Elf on the Shelf!
AND – I’m talking to parents and people in the community about what a “crazy” time of year it is, how we’re drinking more wine to get through it, joking about needing a valium to get through this weekend in particular (3 x Christmas parties for the adults, 2 x birthday parties for the kids, as well as the usual Saturday morning gymnastics and swimming commitments). Everything seems to have fallen on one weekend in December, and the kids are tired. Not that we’re not looking forward to all of these get-togethers, we are!! (For those reading who know what they are!) It’s just a lot to get into two days when we value our downtime as well.
I announced in my newsletter recently that I’m in the process of writing a book about relationship health, and within the book we examine this idea of “social contracts” – the unspoken agreement that we have with other people about what’s ok and not ok, and what’s expected by both parties, no matter what the relationship is. Most of the time this remains unspoken between people, unless something changes and a boundary might need to be drawn, or the relationship changes to accommodate a new way of being. I feel like the social contracts we hold around this time of the year are unrealistic. Certainly if we’re a people-pleaser, we will find it hard to say no, and might find ourselves running around, trying to be all things to all people, and turn into a spec of dust by the time Christmas day is upon us!
I’m personally an advocate of re-defining our social contracts with others: speaking them out loud when needed, and not being enslaved to the traditional obligations. I’m not talking about being thoughtless and hurting others and flippantly letting important people down – oh no. Our relationships are crucial (not all of them though – more of that in the book) and need to be treated with care. It’s all about BALANCE.
Here are a few hacks I’ve learned along the way, to not let things get too “crazy”:
- Planning: look at your calendar, take the time to see what’s coming up, and plan the essentials around it. By essentials I’m thinking about how to keep myself and my family resilient and well, with nutrition and sleep and time to rest. I personally meal plan on a Sunday for the 7 days ahead. If there are busy afternoons with late finishes, I’ll be planning a quick meal or leftovers, or a nice takeaway (the 80:20 rule, right?). This saves me stress and I can let go of thinking because I know there’s a plan.
- Prioritise: look, you can’t do everything and be all things to all people, all the time. Give yourself permission to say NO or just MAYBE to some things. My calendar is mind-boggling for next week with so many overlaps. There’s no way we will be able to do ALL of the things. I’ve let people know that I may or may not be there, depending on the family’s well-being and energy levels. I’ve been clear (being clear is kind – Brene Brown) so I won’t be letting people down as they know what to expect.
- Focus on the basics of self-care: my plan for myself and my kids to get through the next 10 days and then finish the year strong: lots of early nights. Nutritious food, as much as I can on that particular day. Low-sensory baths or showers at night to settle the nervous system. A bit more passive screen time than usual. Not planning any non-essential things – playdates etc. will have to wait, as will cleaning out my car, which resembles a bit of a rubbish bin. Epsom salts, candles, magnesium, focusing on sleep, nutrition and as much downtime and unstructured time in between the commitments as we can. A healthy amount of physical activity, sunshine etc. Some adrenal-gland re-setting with yoga. (If you’re fatigued or waking up tired, you’re likely to have flogged your adrenals too much and now they’re tired and not giving you much energy. This can be re-set with the ways outlined above.)
- Focus on the present moment: yeah, I know, it’s a cliche these days. It’s also not easy, for anyone. I find that the planning takes care of a lot of thinking about the future: it’s written down, it’s sorted, I don’t need to think about it. When I find my brain whirring away trying to strategise or work out things in the future, I can let it go, as I know I’ve taken care of it (most of the time). I notice the thought, and do my best to breathe into the moment I’m in, and let a lot of the future take care of itself.
- Systems. We don’t rise to the level of our goals, we fall to the level of our systems. Do you have good systems in place at home that keep things ticking over well? Routines, rewards and incentives that work? If not, might be time to start implementing some next year. More on that in a later post.
I hope that this may help some of you reach the goal of a Resilient Christmas Future (and beyond).
With love, Charlotte.