[Illustration by the amazing Sue Kerr.]
I’ve been thinking about this post for a while, and it feels poignant to be writing it on our country’s last day of the 4 week and 4 day lockdown at the highest alert level. From midnight tonight, we move into a 2-week lockdown at an alert level below. For many of us life will be exactly the same for the next two weeks: homeschooling the kids, working from home, only going out for fresh air and groceries. We will be able to get takeaways however, and those working in the construction industry start operating again. Kids of essential workers get to go to school, although they will still need to socially distance. As we’ve known about this upcoming transition for a week or so, I’ve been reflecting a lot on the past four weeks and four days spent in lockdown, in our family ‘bubble’.
Am I the only one that’s going to miss it? Am I the only one that feels a slight sense of dread at the possibility of life returning to the old ‘normal’? It’s a funny old dynamic, because there are things we’ve missed about our old life, and there are also things we haven’t missed and prefer about our new one. We are not the only ones, surely?
I’m aware that I’m writing this in a very privileged position. We have a warm, decent and lovely home and a good marriage. For some people, being stuck inside their bubble would be nothing short of torturous or even dangerous. Some families are now struggling to meet basic financial commitments. I feel for people affected in this way, I think about those less privileged than us every single day.
What have we really missed during this pandemic lockdown? It only really came down to two things: mountain biking (husband) and socialising (me).
What have we not missed as much as we thought we would? Going out to cafes and restaurants; buying stuff, constant consumerism; beauty treatments; too many choices about how to spend our time; travelling a lot to catch up with our wider social network; constant busy-ness; always future planning and arranging of our lives.
My to-do list has never – and I do mean never – had so little on it. Perhaps bar that intense newborn baby period where the only things I had to do were to feed and look after the baby. I’ve honestly never had so few commitments in my adult life! It helps that I’m currently not working and still on maternity leave as it would be different if this was not the case. But either way, it’s a notable difference. I don’t have to be anywhere on time, there’s no rushing around. I don’t even have to wear proper clothes if I don’t want to!
What have we really enjoyed, that we would like to keep as a constant when life transitions into its new ‘normal’? We’ve looked after each other as a couple so much more and better than previously. We are acutely aware that if one of us starts burning out then the whole bubble will pop. Instead of keeping a record of who has had more time off than who, we’ve become really generous with one another, purposefully making sure the other one is getting time out and rest so everyone can do well. We’ve enjoyed being home just much more, and the simplicity of life. I’ve liked that I have so few choices, it’s made me slow down and focus on what’s right in front of me, rather than always planning and preparing. This is present moment (mindfulness) practice, which is necessary, and also very hard, but the circumstances have helped me be more present. I personally have spent much more time in our garden – previously my husband’s domain – and I’ve enjoyed getting to know it. I’ve caught up with my friends on video call more often than I ever would have before, and more of them too. It’s not the same as seeing them, but conversations have been more frequent and I’ve loved that. We’ve enjoyed buying more foods in bulk and having reserves in the freezer. I was not looking forward to my eldest starting school. I was struggling emotionally with her turning five and it being the end of an era. I was thinking about how much I’d miss her. And now we’ve got to spend all this time together, and her with her baby sister too. We all sleep in, and the day has a casual pace. I find that mentally I do better when I can achieve one adult thing for myself per day, and that we can have something tangible to show for our home learning too.
Of course I’ve missed every day freedoms, and I really miss going to choir (online choir is just not the same, although still fun). Having had this contrast however, I can see why these ‘freedoms’ can complicate life. You actually spend so much time going from here to there and coordinating stuff. Without those options you invest more in what’s accessible right in front of you – each other. We’ve had so much more intimacy, and more deliberate family time. It’s been so precious.
Whatever situation you’re in, there’s no doubt that over the last month or so, you’ve had the experience of a stark contrast to your previous every day life. What has this experience of contrast taught you? What parts of it were special, where you experienced positive things like togetherness, and love? How has it helped you shape what is truly important to you, having most of your freedoms taken away? If it’s been a crap experience, what can you learn from it? What things do you need to bring in, so that if you were in this situation again, it would be a better experience for you?
Wherever you are, take the time to reflect. It’s an opportunity for a new clarity on our life. Most of the world have had this opportunity.
Many people feel powerless to change their situation – yet I offer you these reflections now: What has this time highlighted for you? What IS in your control? How do you want life to be?
I would love to hear your reflections – we’re all in this together! Feel free to FB comment or email me.
From one love bubble to another, Charlotte x