[Illustration by the amazing Sue Kerr].
We could say we are lucky to be living through a global pandemic in this current age of technology. Staying connected to our colleagues, friends, family, our children’s teachers, school friends and friends is easily integrated into our home lives. We can continue most of our ‘normal’ activities: exercise classes; buying music, movies and books; online shopping; stalking our favourite celebrities on social, and so on.
One the one hand, I marvel at it! Last night for example, I was able to attend my live-stream yoga class in my living room in front of the fire. I had my teacher’s lovely voice directly in my ears with my bluetooth headphones, which are designed to sit just outside the ear, enabling me to still hear sounds around me. I had the yoga playlist playing simultaneously though Spotify on my Google Home Speaker. All generated from one device – my phone. Pretty cool!
On the other hand, are we getting overloaded by the amount of technology in our home? In distance working and learning, are we putting proper boundaries in place to separate our work life from our home life? Are we succumbing to social pressure and saying ‘yes’ to more Zoom meetings that we actually need to? Are we feeling too personally responsible for keeping those email chains or Facebook nominations going when we’ve been tagged in them?! You know the ones, recipes, albums, tag ten people to keep the chain going etc., etc. It can all mount up to the latest phenomena of ‘Zoomzaustion’ – technology burn out during this time.
I was privy to a conversation a few days ago where working from home was being discussed. Every single person (bar one) said they were doing way more (too much) work than they would normally do: they missed the ‘water-cooler’ conversations with their colleagues; they checked their emails as soon as they work up at 7am and kept checking them way into the evening; they were on ‘way too many Zoom meetings’. They were way more available for longer during the day then they normally would be, and not enjoying it! Let’s face it why would they? Doesn’t sound like much fun.
It’s so interesting that our boundaries between work and home tend to blur more when we are working virtually, at a time where we don’t physically leave the office and travel to our homes. We aren’t getting the benefit of that change of scene, of literally ‘leaving the office behind’, of entering into a completely different environment with cooking smells and kids, or whatever your home situation is. And yet it is during this time we need to be much more protective of our time and draw those clearer lines in the sand between work and home. Not doing this will just spell stress and burn out over time.
And why, why are we on more Zoom calls than we actually want or need to be?! What’s going on there?
Because we are ‘just at home’ we feel like we can’t say no, after all, we have no where to be, so no excuses. I want to challenge this: again, this is the time to be even more protective of our time, not less. Not doing so spells stress and burn out. If we feel we have no reason to say no, because after all we are ‘just at home’ then we end up saying yes to way more things than we need to. Does your child really need three Zoom calls a day with their classmates and playdates? Do they really actually enjoy those meetings? Do you really need to be keeping in touch with your family or colleagues that often? What would happen if you didn’t?
In my last few blogs, I hope I’ve driven the message home that yes, this is a crisis. And within that crisis we have been gifted an amazing opportunity. When else in our lives have we been forced to strip everything back, apart from the very basics? This gives us an insightful benefit of contrast. We get to say, OK, I miss that, I want more of it in my life, or I don’t miss that at all, so I want to let it go. We are more in-tune with what we value and want in our lives right now. And because we are in this unique position of sorting the wheat from the chaff, we get to choose what we say yes and no to.
So, what can you do?
- Channel a bit of Marie Kondo: Does that Zoom catch up spark joy (for you or your child)? If it is not 100% required of you because of the expectations of your role, then ask yourself that and see what the answer actually is. If not, say no! If you have the ‘should’ word reverberating around your head it’s a sign that it doesn’t spark joy and is only an obligation.
- Just say no, occasionally: I’ve written extensively before about why we find it hard to say no. Ultimately we don’t want to let people down, offend them, or have them think less of us. Understandable as we are tribal creatures. Historically without our ‘tribe’ we would die. Things are different now. Consider setting some boundaries and saying no occasionally, and just see what happens. Be brave! Instead of thinking less of you the person or people may think more of you, and it may even give them permission to do the same themselves. We can become so personally responsible for other people’s feelings, and in most cases there is no need.
- Get some boundaries between work and home, now: Treat your work at home much like you would work in the office. Start it at a particular time, finish it at a particular time. Take your lunch break. Stop feeling guilty, or as if you ‘should be doing more…’ or ‘be seen to be super available so they know I’m actually working…’. Most Importantly – do something to mark the end of the working day. Turn off emails on whatever device you use, go and exercise, shower, change your clothes, whatever you need to do to mimic that physical feeling of leaving the office behind. You will be more productive for it, trust me.
We know from research conducted in palliative care that the biggest regret of the dying is that they lived their lives according to what other people expected them to do, rather than what they desired themselves. It’s a lesson for all of us with breath left in our lungs. Let’s not waste that breath.
Our next post will be exploring how we re-enter ‘normal’ life after so long in our bubbles. We want to do so purposefully, and intentionally, in a way that respects the insights we’ve had during our lockdown period.
As usual, I’d love to hear what better boundaries you feel you could have in place right now, and what action you will take. Leave me a FB comment or feel free to PM me, anytime.
Love, Charlotte.